Author Archive

It’s time to be a big girl now!

How to release your fears and step out of your comfort zone

by Karina Stephens

Last week I ducked bag back to my parent’s home for a quick visit to see the family. I am teaching my 3 year old niece, Bayley and my 7 year old nephew, Tyler the art of ‘doing coffee’ so every time I go back we go out and ‘do coffee’.

This trip Bayley commented on numerous occasions how she was a big girl now and could tie her shoelaces and put on her own clothes and doesn’t need a nap, (although her mum would disagree with that one).

Anyway it got me thinking how when we are young we are so excited to learn new things and step out of our comfort zones and when we do, that makes us a ‘big girl’.

So I think it’s time we all joined the ‘Big Girls Club’, which has nothing to do with dress size and everything to do with overcoming fear.

I had to be a big girl a couple of months back when we were scheduled to fly to Singapore to run a training program. When we reached the counter to check in we were told that my husband, Ian’s passport did not have the required six months left on it to enter the country. Can you imagine how we felt when he couldn’t board the plane? Anyway what happened is another blog but I ended up having to travel to Singapore on my own, get through customs, get on the flight, find the hotel and spend 24 hours in Singapore by myself not knowing if Ian was going to make it or not. I had to be a big girl.

And you know what, it all worked out fine and I actually enjoyed the experience of travelling by myself because I had gotten so used to travelling with Ian that he became my comfort zone. I know that if I am to fulfill my destiny I am going to have to do more of that and now I know that I am quite capable.

So here are 3 tips that can help you be a big girl

1. It’s all about knowing where your comfort zone begins and ends.  It’s that invisible energy field around you like an electric fence. When you reach the border it zaps you to keep you within its confines. The zap of your comfort zone is the uneasiness and tension you feel at the thought of going outside the boundaries. When you know where the boundary is then you can start to stretch the perimeters.

1. Comfort zones are created by us by our own beliefs and values. Change a belief and you change the comfort zone. I once had a belief that I wasn’t smart. This was installed by my third grade teacher who told me just as much and informed me that I would never amount to anything in life. So I believed her and never ever applied myself to school again,

UNTIL…I began learning about beliefs and values and how we can change them to something more empowering. I realized that that limiting belief was stopping me from doing so many things in my life and that I didn’t have to believe her any more.

Since then I have gone on to do so many courses I have lost count. I’ve expanded my comfort zone and this has enabled me to go on and further my education.

Ian and I have just created an audio CD program detailing a step by step process on how you can change any limiting belief, it’s called Neuro-Transformational Strategies and can be obtained from our e-store www.ianstephens.net.au

1. Lose the story and you diffuse the emotion that ignites your comfort zone. Our comfort zone is made up of feelings that we refuse to feel because we fear the perceived pain associated with feeling them. We don’t want to step out of our comfort zone because if we do we may feel fear associated with anger, guilt, sadness, humiliation or rejection.

We need to understand that there are no bad feelings. When we can feel sadness and just let it be sadness without the story of what happened to you in the past that caused you to feel sadness then the feelings dissolve away. The worst thing is not what happened to you but the story you tell yourself.

Part of our Enrich Experience weekend is walking people through the discharge process of emotions and teaching the process or ‘inquiry’ which is to establish the emotion behind the story and feeling the feeling without attachment.

You can find out more at our website www.karinastephens.com/enrich

So there you have it, three strategies to help you push the boundaries of your comfort zone and live the life you were born to live.

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE?

Please do! Just be sure to include this complete blurb with it:

Karina Stephens is an author, business woman, wellness expert, and Life enrichment mentor. Together with her husband Ian, they have created Neuro-Transformational Strategies. The new science of permanent change. To find out more visit her website at: www.karinastephens.com

If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can sign up for a F.R.E.E. subscription at http://misspotentiality.com/ .

PJ Stephens

Forget growing old gracefully, I think growing old happily is a better goal to aim for and I think I’ve found the secret to how to make that a reality and I learnt it from my dog. 

Ageing gets a bad rap these days. The desire to stay young and maintain our youth is a multibillion dollar industry BUT there is an upside to ageing and it’s the most liberating, freeing feeling imaginable 

As the mother of an ageing dog I can tell you that it isn’t all roses and candy. For one there is the blindness that comes with the onset of cataracts. This means that stairs are no longer something that are easily managed and therefore I, as the mother am required to carry my little bundle of ageing joy up and down them countless times a day. 

Another by-product of blindness is the bumping into everything and when you are only 1 foot high there is a lot to bump into down there. The opening of cupboard doors and low flying shopping bags are definitely danger zones and need to be approached with the appropriate head gear. 

Pools are a definite no, no and one slip of a wayward paw can lead to a life saving rescue of momentous proportions and a nominee for mother of the year award. 

Along with the blindness comes the deafness which leaves you in quite a predicament as to basic commands such as ‘come here’. Firstly he can’t hear me and even if he could, where the hell is here? Add to this a touch of dementia and one minute he is lying by my feet, then he forgets that I am there and does at least three laps of the entire house looking for me, all the while I am yelling out to him that I am here but he can’t hear me, so eventually I have to get up and walk over to him and touch him and bring him back to where I am sitting so that we can repeat the whole thing over again in 10 minutes time. 

To make matters worse there is the chronic coughing that sounds like an emphysema patient nearing the end. This starts before sunup and continues the whole day. I am sure that my dear departed grandmother who suffered from emphysema is somewhere in my little dogs body looking after me because he sure sounds like her. 

Visitors arrive at our home to be greeted by the little coughing white dog. They can usually take this but it’s the gagging at the end of the cough that sounds like a lung has just been extracted and landed on the floor that really puts them off. 

Along with the coughing comes the flatulence that seems to be forced out the other end by the cough, it’s like cough, fart, cough, fart……….and so on! The poor thing keeps looking around at his backside wondering what the noise is that is coming out and then trying to escape the smell that has permeated the air. 

To make matters worse there is the diabetes to contend with. Two insulin injections a day, 12 hours apart has become the norm for our family whilst we monitor his sugar levels and adjust them regularly with expensive trips to the vet, with whom our little man has become a favorite and a long standing paid up member. 

The leaky bladder is not the greatest thing to have to deal with and the spots on the tiles are a giveaway as to where the little guy has walked. And the grumpy moods remind me of my dad as he develops grumpy old age syndrome. 

When I try to tell him off for being naughty I tend to use the pointing, shaking finger as tone alone does not cut it now, although why I shake my finger I don’t know because he can’t see it, but it does make me feel better. In return I get a look of “Give me a break mum, I’m 70 years old for goodness sake, I don’t really give a s#%t”, and therein lies the best thing about ageing. You know longer care what others think. 

You’ve gotten to the point where leaky bladders and forgetfulness are the byproduct of a life well lived and deserving of respect. If others can’t handle it, it’s not your problem. 

So to all the people who say “for goodness sake, just put him down”, I bite my tongue as I know they are not ‘DOG’ people for any dog lover would know that as long as they have a quality of life and are happy they deserve the right to live. 

As his mother, it is my job to keep him comfortable and happy, just as if he were a human child. He has been with me for nearly 15 years. He has loved me and provided me with so many memories and happy times. Put up with my crap and never talked back, sat with me whilst my hearts been breaking and loved me through it all unconditionally. Some people aren’t that loving. 

He still follows me around the house, still gives me cuddles in the morning and greets me like an excited puppy when I come home. He still sits on my lap and lies at my feet and walks with me everyday around the block. Best of all, his still my little mate and he loves me unconditionally. 

The more years we get to live on this earth are years that are gifted to us. The bodily functions may start to retire and we start to slow down but this slowing down process enables us to go deeper into our souls. When we do this what emerges is a spirit far more enriched and beautiful than youth itself. 

So here’s to my little man, you are beautiful and your worth it!!!!
© 2010 Karina Stephens

We have a little joke in my household whereby my husband takes the kids off for a while so that I can get some ‘serenity’. It came about originally from the movie ‘The Castle’ where Michael Caton’s character frequently states the Rhetorical Question, ‘How’s the serenity?’

 I have adopted this little saying ever since and use it when I experience ‘Moments of Bliss’ (MOB). I take my MOB’s very seriously and try to create as many as I can, making a bubble bath with candles and incense and beautiful music, sitting in my spa overlooking our beautiful garden. Reading a book with my dog curled up at my feet. Walking in the bush enjoying the sunshine warming my body from the inside out. So many ways to create MOB’s but unfortunately most of us don’t do it often enough.

 Time or lack of it being the biggest reason, but can I blow this excuse out of the water by saying that you don’t need time to find yourself, you just have to go deeper into the present moment. By this I’m becoming conscious of what you are doing and really becoming aware of your body and your emotions.

 MOB’s are more than taking time out for myself, it’s actually when I am fully present in the NOW moment. Our highest frequency is presence so when we are 100% present, having given up all resistance of the situation then we are fully alive.

 To be able to create that feeling in your everyday life is truly a gift we should all give ourselves. To stop, breath and find ourselves again or reconnect to our soul is what ‘being in the NOW’ is all about yet all too often we make excuses for not practicing it.

 Start with this present moment. Take everything in. Feel, see, smell and hear everything around you. Take note of your body, any tension or pain or restlessness. Breathe deep and feel your lungs expand. How are you feeling emotionally? Happy or sad. What are your energy levels like, Tired or lethargic? It’s important here not to judge anything. Nothing is good or bad, it just is. We are not judging ourselves; we are just bringing attention the ISness of the moment. We are in acceptance of what is and by doing so we have the timeliness of the NOW!

 You have just experienced a moment of Bliss, where just for a moment you invited presence into your life without interpreting it. You were just ‘being’ and that is what ‘being in the NOW’ is all about.

 I now invite you to take in all the ‘serenity moments’ and create more ‘moments of bliss’ in your life.

After explaining the benefits of incidental exercise to Lisa, a personal training client of mine I was feeling pretty happy with myself I have to admit. I had just helped her understand the benefits of how moving your body more throughout the day would help her along the path of achieving her weight loss and fitness goals.
She was happy; she bounced her big blond pony tail around her head as she excitedly informed me that she was going to put her new found knowledge into action this weekend. With a spring in her step and a smile on her dial she skipped out of the gym in a swirl of Chanel No 5 with a hint of sweat and a sea of admiring glances from all the men caught up in her aroma.
The satisfaction one gets from sharing their knowledge and helping someone else is very rewarding and the smile was still on my smug little face on Monday morning as I prepared to meet Lisa for another training session.
She came into the gym with her usual enthusiasm and proceeded to inform me how happy I would be with her because she had completed her homework and achieved 20 minutes ‘ACCIDENTAL EXERCISE’.
“I’m sorry Lisa, don’t you mean Incidental exercise”, I giggled thinking she had mucked up her words.
“No, you said that I need to be doing more accidental exercise so I was in the city on Saturday and my mum and I accidentally got off the bus at the wrong stop, instead of getting back on we took your advice and walked the rest of the way”.
They say that the measure of communication is the response you get so I quickly resolved to work on my delivery and maybe be a little more humble about my work.
Anyway Lisa got the general idea about Incidental exercise and so I thought I would share a few reasons as to why, whether it is incidental or accidental, it is still good for you.

Over the past 50 years our ever increasingly sedentary lifestyle has caused an ever increasing waistline. Our desire to make thing simpler, easier and faster has helped contribute to us becoming one of the fattest nations in the world.
Incidental exercise is the exercise we get doing daily activities and can make a big difference to maintaining a healthy weight. Things like:

• Instead of take the lift or escalator we can walk up or down the stairs
• We can get off the bus one stop early and walk a little further to work
• We can get up and go talk to someone in the office instead of emailing them all the time.
• We can leave the remote control on top of the TV and get up every time we want to change channels
• We can park our car a little further away in the shopping centre car park from the entrance to the shops we are visiting
All these types of activities help to boost our daily calorie expenditure and keep our metabolism fired up through the day, thus leading to a happier, healthier you.

Working as a Personal trainer, I always threatened my clients that I was going to write an excuse book featuring all their excuses that they have graciously provided me with over the years.
Most were somewhat amusing and extremely creative, and I am sure, provided with pure intent although I suspect not all were necessarily true.

I didn’t really have to say anything at all in response; I just gave ‘the look’. This was enough to produce guilt or shame on even the most valid of excuses.

Personal Trainers tend to become the ‘conscious of their clients’. I know many a time someone would inform me that they thought of me at various times of the day. I found this quite flattering at first until after further scrutiny I found out that my image popped into their heads whilst eating desert or having that last beer or forgoing exercise to stay in bed a little longer.

Ahhh, the guilty conscious, in the shape of a trainer, it has to be a good thing when it comes to keeping you on track with your goals, wouldn’t you agree?

Once whilst going through a previous clients food diary, I noticed that one of the days had not been filled in. When questioned as to why this occurred the excuse was, “I couldn’t find a pen for the whole day’. Not to be put off and after providing ‘the look’, I suggested that we fill it in now.

Instant horror, followed by sheer dismay was shared with me and then came the unfolding of the day’s calorie intake. It went a little like this:

Breakfast: McDonalds Bacon and egg McMuffin and pancakes
Lunch: Chips and gravy
Dinner: Chicken Kiev, veges and chips
Supper: Hotdog

No wonder we couldn’t find a pen the whole day, it was hiding in all the greasy fat being consumed.
I asked my dear client if he thought that by not writing it down it wouldn’t count in the overall scheme of things, that by not writing it down means that it didn’t happen.

He responded with yet another excuse, “Well it was a mates birthday weekend and I just wanted to have fun”.

There you have it, the real reason and one that may seem like a fair enough excuse but can I add here, if you going to do the crime you need to pay the time.
Meaning, don’t kid yourself and make up stories in your head that justify and rationalise your actions. Keep it real and deal with it.

Excuses are merely explanations offered to justify or obtain forgiveness thereby setting you up for failure.

If you have a blow out, instead of using excuses, use the ‘STOP’ principle.

Stay put – This means stop and breathe. Respond instead of react. This way you have a chance to put the ‘T’ part of the anagram into action.

Take a step back to evaluate – This gives you a chance to look at the whole picture rather than just the blowout. Often when you see the big picture the problem is never as big or insurmountable as first thought.

Observe the damage if any – Assessing the damage provides you with valuable information that will be needed when you put the ‘P’ in action. Without observing, you won’t have all the facts required for a successful strategy.

Plan your way forward – Having a plan is crucial to any goal and so is having a plan to get back on track once you fall off. It’s not a ‘plan B’, but a strategy that partners and supports your initial plan, resulting in ultimate success.

Having a blow out doesn’t mean that you have failed, all it is a side step on the path to success. Don’t give it any more power than that by making up excuses. They only limit your potential and deny you your right for an enriched life.

•  The Power is in the NOW!
•  Discovering your TRUE NORTH
•  Tapping into your Potential
•  Let your mess be your message

 I thrive on the big picture. As long as I have an idea what my future looks like then life as I know it is ok. If the picture fades or becomes distorted in any way, shape or form then so does my perceived sense of certainty. Now, if there happens to be a total black out, then along with my perceived certainty, goes any perceived sense of security I may have held about my life. I say ‘perceived’ because really, can we be certain about anything in the future except maybe death and taxes?

Fortunately, life does not make us fumble around in the darkness for longer than we need to, at some stage the images in our minds eye return to focus and we start to see clearly again where it is we are meant to be headed.

In my book, “Destiny Designer”, I write that “Destiny is about creating a compelling future. Most people give up on life because they can’t see a great future. They lose hope. A compelling future is founded on a positive self worth, empowered in the NOW, grounded in the TRUE value of life and nurtured by the realisation that life is all about what you have to give.”

 The Power is in the NOW!

Our job is to learn to hear the still small voice, the one that whispers that there is an amazing future that awaits you. This is your destiny, filled with blessings far beyond your wildest dreams, and, if you are anything like me you want to know what that is right now, right?

 What I’ve learned is to stop focusing on the future and wanting to know what it holds and to stop living in the past. Instead try and concentrate on ‘WHO’ I am and ‘WHO’ I am becoming. The past has already happened. The future isn’t here yet so all we really have is NOW!

Discovering your TRUE NORTH!

 True North is like your emotional centre. I like to think of it as the path your soul takes when you are in God’s will. When this happens I feel peace, purpose and passion.

 True North contains all your values and beliefs. Your beliefs are what you say to yourself, your values are what motivate you. It’s the ‘WHY’ we do something that becomes the powerful force in achieving a compelling destiny.

 Tapping into your potential!

 I think potential is only potential when the person realises it for themselves. Until then it’s just an untapped, dormant seed of possibility. I’ve found potential in guys who put the toilet seat down. Women are particularly good in seeing potential in the biggest losers.

 Potential becomes reality by equipping yourself with all the right ingredients required. Acknowledging your strengths and realising that your weaknesses are merely areas for development if you so choose to develop them. Persist until it happens and believe in yourself.

 Let your mess be your message!

 The pages of history are filled with stories of people who have overcome obstacles and who have faced enormous challenges and hardships. Through it all they rise up stronger than ever before and go on to help impact the lives of others.

 A life poured out is a life lived well. This means sharing your wisdom and experiences with others so that they can receive an olive branch of empowerment that may help them get through, or prevent them from going through bad experiences.

 Four questions to ask yourself when creating a compelling destiny!